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"Yet not my will, but yours be done.”

 39 Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. 40 On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that
you will not fall into temptation.” 41 He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. 
45 When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” 

I don't know how many times I've prayed this prayer in the last 3 years. And I haven't always prayed it like this. In the beginning I went from asking God things like "why?" into the phrase "take this cup from me". Gradually my heart has shifted more into the "yet not my will, but yours be done."

Today is my son Xavier's 5th birthday. He is currently being tested for  Autism. For the last 3 years his lack of speech and general response have concerned us. He's amused us with his mischievous shenanigans yet we were troubled that he couldn't comprehend correction.   

As we've been going through the evaluations and tests, we're recognizing more and more how different his needs are. We are also realizing how little control we have in this situation and it contradicts our natural way of parenting. What do you do?

Today is also Good Friday. The day that Jesus laid down his life for the sake of mankind.  The most selfless act in the entirety of history and probably the most heart-wrenching decision for one's self. His trust in the Father far outweighed his fear and desire as he walked into death.

Isn't it funny how these 2 days are woven together for us this year? The year that we find out whats going on with Xavier.

For years I've been HOLDING ON... Holding on to control... Holding on to MY hopes and desires for MY son... Holding on to what needs to happen.

I felt challenged this morning as I sat with the Lord, having to repent for not laying the circumstances with Xavier down. 

Jesus laid down his desire and picked up God's purpose. When I look at it the pieces of the puzzle I can see, I see that I'm not challenged with the task of saving mankind. Today I'm challenged with the task of laying down all I hold dear (including my children) and picking up the promise that my Father has plans and purposes for ALL His children.

Today I sit here... new, clean, saved by grace that all came from the act of laying down. I choose this. I choose laying down. I choose his will. I choose trust in the most Trustworthy. I choose assurance in the most Faithful. I choose hope in the Bringer of Life!

It is my joy to say,  "not my will, but yours be done.” 

What is it you need to lay down? And as you do that, what will you pick up? 

John 10:17-18 

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The Haythorpes


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