There are about 50+ miles between San Francisco and San Jose. We do that drive frequently, I’d say about 2-3 times a week.
It seems a bit much week after week when you have all your kids in tow, but that's how it is right now.
I can easily say there has been a growing frustration in me as we venture out for each San Jose trip... Why are we not there yet Lord??!!
Heading back into San Francisco from San Jose there is a sign on US-101 naming it ‘James Lick’ Highway. I pass this sign A LOT. One day as I looked at it, it provoked me to read the book of James. As I got home, I opened it up finding myself only able to read up until the 11th verse... and I’ll tell you what.... James “licked" me purrtty darn good! Talk about a good kick in the pants!
James 1:2-11 is all about Faith and Perseverance. This is a huge thing for me as I dare teeter between sticking through this season and giving up.
To be honest, I feel tired. We are in our sixth month of being in San Francisco and San Jose seems so close yet so far away. We’ve heard the Lord about being there. We've heard the Lord that he will make a way for us to be down there. But I’m realizing that the state of my faith isn’t all that I had expected or hoped it was.
Yesterday in particular, I woke up with the “Ok God, I’m ready now” attitude. I call it that because that's what I thought it was, but I will name it for what it really is... its the "I feel I’m entitled to it" attitude with a side of "I’ve done my time already".
I know its a dangerous line to be playing with. With everything going on and us being so busy, I guess I let more than a little attitude creep in while my guard has been down and I've been tired. I've tried to will my attitude back into alignment with God but the reality was/is... I need a personal revelation and touch from God.
Last night we read a piece written by Charles Spurgeon based on the scripture Psalm 119:165.
Those who love your instructions have great peace and do not stumble.
He shares that if the Word of God is living in you, it breeds in our hearts a peace. It then becomes a "delight" to take up your cross and serve him daily. He goes on to say, "When his Lord puts before him some great mystery of the faith which makes others cry...the believer accepts it without question; for his intellectual difficulties are overcome by his reverent awe of the law of the Lord, which is to him the supreme authority to which he joyfully bows"... Ummm, peace? delight? accepts? WITHOUT QUESTION? reverent awe? JOYFULLY BOWS? (Quickly my heart turns to repentance as he gave me the revelation) Lord, forgive me!
Who in their right mind would say to God that they were entitled to something? Seriously... and to a God who has given the MOST important thing to us already out of a sheer motivation of love!? ...And here I am, all bent out of shape because I’m “tired”. (Obviously I’m still getting that kick in the pants)
This morning Luke and I listened to a podcast that was about Contagious Faith and the “I won’t quit" Spirit. This message was given by Darlene Cunningham who is one of the founders of Youth With A Mission. The first scripture she opens to is James 1. (Uh oh... I think that's a hint for whats in store)
At one point she shares, “He has provided for us so many times... how quickly we forget” ('Pshh yeah' I say sarcastically as I’m still getting kicked in the pants). How could I forget? I remember us coming to America with virtually nothing except the word of the Lord and, oh, has He provided TIME and TIME AGAIN. Seriously, how could I forget?!
Faith PLEASES God. When faith is tested, it develops perseverance and my stamina is low... doesn't help that I’m already tired. But I need to remember this testing is building my stamina so I won't take my eyes off Jesus!
As we believe for a home for us... as we believe for a house for the ministry... as we believe for more staff... as we believe for more students. I pray that my faith and stamina will please God as I keep my eyes on Him and fight for the things the Lord has spoken.
|Photo by Heidi Jarva (www.ywamcanada.org)|
If you want to be challenged about faith and be reminded about God's faithfulness, I highly recommend a listen to this.