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Tantrums take Fight

Today is my Levi's 4th birthday. I celebrate his birthday a little extra because I very distinctly remember his birth with such clarity. The other three were pretty easy and I have moments captured in my mind but Levi's was such an intense labor/delivery that I remember almost EVERY detail. The thing that sticks out most to me is that the pain was so intense that in the middle of labor/transition I literally felt like falling to the ground to kick and scream and have a tantrum (Luke argues I actually did, but I have no recollection of that). I'm usually a pretty easy going gal who tends to roll with the punches but that particular day I had been on a very crazy roller coaster of emotion, as you would in the birth process. Needless to say, it definitely made it's mark in the ol' memory bank.

The whole tantrum thing has had me thinking of how much fight I had in me then. I wasn't going down alone!! In fact, I think Luke might still have a little mark from where I bit his shoulder when he was trying to hold me still at one point in that day. I mean, HEY!, he's the one guilty of putting me in that room... right? ;)

So, as of late, I have had very little fight in me. I am EXHAUSTED!! I don't think I could muster up the energy to throw a tantrum if I wanted... I don't know where it comes from and I surely don't know how to fix it. I'm just tired. This is NOT a good place to be in with four young children needing lots of attention and a newly formed ministry needing just as much attention. It can easily pave a way to disappointment and depression, I suppose. But "strangely", I continuously find encouragement through my fatigue. 

 The LORD is the everlasting God,
   the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary!!

 We all go through those moments/days/weeks/months where it becomes "survival" or there is that 1 in 4 situation that doesn't go to plan.  But there is hope!! Because The LORD will not grow weary! He will be the strength that I don't have and He will carry me. As I put my hope in Him, He fills me up as I need. And although I still do not feel 100% and I'm oh so tired. He's got my back.  

So my friends, keep praying as I'd like to "soar" sooner than later. ;) I'd love more revelation and energy too! 


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The Haythorpes


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