A bookshelf prayer

Its so true that what people have on their bookshelf is a peak into who they are... we have a bookshelf right next to our bed. Its kind of broken
and wobbly but it still manages to do its purpose of holding books, even if it is just a few.

I laid on my bed in an emotional upheaval today. Being in another place of transience is starting to take its toll and is starting to make me feel like a bad mother, wife and ministry pioneer. All of them lies, I know, but they are particularly beating me down today.

Looking over at my bookshelf all the titles are a blaring magnification of who I am. As I go down the list it became not only a reflection of the good, bad and realness in my heart... it became a conversation and prayer to God.My books are as follows:

Taking on Giants
You see bones, I see an army
Is that really you, God?
Why not women?
My utmost for His highest
Intimate friendship with God
Captivating
Leading with a limp
People Raising
Partners in Prayer
God’s promises for you

And here is how my conversation went:

How did I get here, Lord? If I look through my eyes, all I see is an overwhelming sea of giants! In my own eyes I am like one of the spies who went to scope out the Promise Land and couldn’t see past the giants (Numbers 13&14). But through Your eyes... You see these dry bones... You prophesy and speak only life into them to raise up Your army (Ezekiel 37).

Is that really you, God? I struggle to always see with your eyes and am constantly being torn down by unbelief. Help me to not view things through my insecurity and doubt. Who am I that I can do anything? Why me?...

“WHY NOT? You are available. It is me doing this, not you. I make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61)! Just be open... willing... available... obedient. Know me and love me. Let me do the rest”

My heart wants to Lord, but I am weak. I will give my utmost for Your highest but I am not perfect. I need you. Captivate me. I want you to consume me. Take it all.

“I will... I am... Trust me. (Deuteronomy 31:6)”

So here I am, broken and leading with a limp. I choose to trust you Lord as you guide us to lead people and see them rise up within Your army. And as we pray and pursue You, I choose to stand on the promises you have for us!

Gotta love how God uses the simplest things like a bookshelf to initiate conversation and speak to the heart.